Tori, dear don't listen to people who say your husband is a jerk. It is obvious he truly cares about you and your children and doesn't want to see the pain and years of frustration caused by your mother's self absorbed nature. Men show their feelings very differently than most women and that is what Dean is doing when you think he is being harsh. Men usually shake off their feelings and want to move on where women are more emotional about such things. Sorry, but usually true as I am an emotional woman myself and know it is difficult to let go. He not only feels your pain and anticipates years and years of more pain for you and your children but it also opens old wounds about his realtionship with his father.

It is also very hard for him as he feels helpless to not be able to fix this for you or make it all better. Men are the protectors and feel very bad when they cannot resolve such things when their loved ones are HURT. Of course he wants to just get on with your beautiful normal little family you two have! Realize how blessed you and Dean are and don't let people say such things about your husband as he is very supportive and just wants your family to not suffer.

Now I will tell you what I got from your mother's email when said she was excited and thought about HER clothes to wear, HER nails to get done, HER hair to get done HER...HER...HER for Stella's birthday! Was there anything in the email about HER being excited to see and even meet HER precious grandchildren or see her HER daughter? Tori dear, this is VERY telling of who your mother is and I think it will always be all about HER! Remember those email words when you doubt anything and remember that will never change and get on with your life and if some day she gets old enough and lonely enough to approach you then decide what to do and if not it is her loss!

Don't let this eat you up and cause so much stress. Don't let people rope you into discussing it as I understand how deeply it disturbs you and brings all that pain back (real pain) and just steals your joy for life even for a few minutes.

God Bless you and your sweet family

OOps.. didn't mean to just copy that.

I don't think Dean is a jerk about that situation. I think he grows tired of listening to her talk about it and then never make a definitive decision. She needs to say she's done or she's going to keep reaching out. If she keeps reaching out, then the complaining needs to stop.

I did however think he was a jerk when he was so very rude to the poor lifeguard at the pool. From the looks of it, the party was way over the top and children were everywhere, he (the lifeguard) was just trying to contain a situation that could have gone very bad. Dean chose to act very poorly by cussing him and acting like he had been asked to move the entire party.

JMO

I agree that Dean should have been more diplomatic with the lifeguard and fireman over the mushroom issue. He might have let his frustration and feelings over other issues MUSHROOM into being rude to others.

I was confussed on why if there was a lifeguard there why he could not watch the pool since no one appeared to be swimming so it would have been easy to see any danger if a child came near the pool. Maybe, there should have been a person dedicated to watch that area for the day REGARDLESS if there was a mushroom or not.

I was glad to see that Dean was man enough to apologise to Tori as it takes a bigger man to apologise for being a little harsh even though I think he had her best interest at heart. I would have liked to have seen him also apologise to the people over the pool/mushroom issue. Okay, enough talk from me about the mushroom...too silly.

I dont think he was rude to the lifeguard and security guy who came over-- umm did you hear the guy say how they dont want the children to get BRAIN DAMAGE from the water in the pool? he sounded super ignorant which prob was why dean was annoyed.

So i agree with the original post- I dont think dean is a jerk at all!