Here is my opinion. And it is just that, an opinion. I don't believe any of "us" are in a position to judge Tori for her decisions concerning her mother. The thing is, none of us where there when their relationship, or lack there of, happened. Therefore all we have to go on is what we hear. Reality? Not much of what we hear is factual. My ppersonal experience with my own mother has taught me that we can only control the actions of ourselves. She knows how her mother is, yet still holds out hope for a relationship. It's her ideas of what a mother should be that keeps her hope alive. Not what her mother will actually do. I had to make a decision in my life, that I knew would affect my children's lives, but had to make it nonetheless. I asked myself if I was happier with my mother in my life or happier without her in my life. It took me a long time to honestly answer that question. When I realized that I would forever be let down and constantly upset over something she did or didn't do- I knew that I would be happier without her in my life. I know I can never change her and I would have to accept her and all her flaws as she is. It was something I had to come to terms with on my own. I don't think it's fair that any of us spectators in Tori's life should ridicule her for holding out hope, or wanting her mother to be someone that she isn't. But I do think that she is consumed by it, and it's something that she thinks about so often that it's eating her up. Once she can finally answer her own question of Is she happier with her in her life or without- she will never be able to truly live. It's not easy for a woman to "cut the cord"... But it's also not healthy to stress out over something so much that it eats you alive. With Dean and the Gunkles and Maran and so forth, she has built a truly wonderful family. One she can be proud of. You shouldn't have to work for love from a parent, nor should a parent have to work for love from a child. Blood relatives does not mean they aren't mean or horrible people. We are all born into families that we didn't choose. Some of us are lucky and some of us end up with a sour taste in our mouths. It's what we choose to do about it that makes us better people. I don't think Tori is a bad person for not having a relationship with her mom... If Candy wanted to see those babies, nothing short of a bullet would keep her from them. Irregardless of her relationship with Tori. I truly believe that Tori is past the anger of her youth, and is looking for her children to the relationship with Candy that she didn't have. There's nothing wrong with that... But I have learned that the connection and bond is not automatic. Just because they are biologically her granchildren doesn't mean she feels the overwhleming sense of love and protection. It could be, that she just isn't the grandma type. Or the mothering type. Who knows. What I think, doesn't matter, but I wish Tori could find peace with it. It's a subject I know SO well. I wish I could help her, and guide her with my experiences to help her make the best decision for HER. The rest will fall into place. I hate seeing her chastized for not knowing what to do. It's not something that is easily decided.
Thank you-
Amy